I updated my bio today. It was time. I’m not who I was exactly when I closed the old blog about my old life and started this blog about what would become my new life. I’d like to think I’m a better, less crazy version of my same self. I’m mostly in a good place these days though the days are never without the handful of persistant struggles that follow me. In ways that’s comforting – I know what I’m dealing with. It’s the curveballs that throw me violently off course and require the most effort to restore order. The same 3-4 issues are always on replay: Body image and weight, being self-sufficient emotionally, financially and otherwise in crazy world and economic times, dealing with Mom, and dealing with being a 35-year old singleton with no human kids in a sea of people who did not choose that road. And then of course I’d love to know when my house will stop being a money pit and when my dogs will stop shedding and making my car a perpetual mess. And also when my car might stop breaking down. Ha! Joke’s on you….
I guess more than anything though I realize I’ve been waking up most every morning with a sense of gratitude here lately even on the days when I feel like the house of cards I’ve constructed is about ready to come tumbling down and I’m furiously shoring things up with duct tape, spit and clothes pins. For a long time, I had to fake it. I had to replay the message in my head that I was grateful, going over what I was grateful for specifically at the direction of my head shrinker even though I felt nothing of the sort. And while I no longer see this person for other ethical reasons, she was right about this particular head reprogramming exercise. I said and thought it enough and finally it was. I have so much to be grateful for. I have a roof over my head – albeit a money-pit, overpriced until the property tax fiasco resolves itself roof, great friends, amazing furbabies and a good job. Much to be thankful for.
