Back in the Saddle Again – Chapter 1

There’s probably going to be a vast amount of time between chapter 1 and chapter 2 of this epic story for reasons that will be revealed later in the post.  Against my better judgment (and that of my shrink’s), I accepted an invitation to go out on a date.  I had placed a self-imposed dating moratorium on myself that was going to last a year. I’m decently far into that timeline (and more importantly getting over things and moving on) but I deviated from the program this past Sunday.  Rewind 3 1/2 years. I was a dating diva, a fiend if you will, for about 12 months after my last serious relationship ended. I took more than a year off (because I was quite new at the super-duper broken heart thing) but then really put myself out there via online dating sites, letting friends set me up and even picking up hitchhikers (joke). And let me tell you I was so weary of dating after that 12 month period. I was over it. I was tired of the anxiety. I was tired of going places I didn’t really like. I was tired of going out with people who I had nothing in common with and nothing to say and sitting there and making small talk for hours on end. I was tired of the awkwardness of either being told or telling the person that after one date it was not going to happen. I was tired of going on more than one date with people whom I knew there was absolutely no future. I was tired of giving up time I could be spending with my friends, on my bike, watching Sex in the City, drying my hair or whatever to go on mediocre dates. Sure I had a few bad ones that are laughable now, but most just felt like a royal waste of my time  - I was stepping through the motions. So in January of 2005 I decided I was done with dating. I threw in the towel. I took myself off the dating sites and informed all would-be matchmakers no more setups. It was about 2 weeks later that I fell  head-over-heels hard in love, had the absolutely best first date of my entire life and commenced a life that was to be how I would spent about the last 3 years of my life until it ended. So back to present time. I went on said date Sunday and oddly from the whole casual dating perspective it was like the last three years were so compartmentalized that I picked up literally where I left off in January 2005, so very annoyed and over the whole dating process. After about 90 of the painful 120 minutes had passed with forced conversation and awkwardness, I was sitting there thinking hey I just adopted Jojo – I would so rather be at my house with my dogs and cats celebrating our new family member. To be clear this is not in any way a slam on the guy *at all*. He’s nice, cool, polite, down-to-earth and we share several interests. There is probably some solid friend potential there which is A-ok with me except that I don’t need to suffer through the dating process to meet friends. He really only had one truly annoying habit and that is telling many long and uninteresting stories about people who I don’t know and may never know but it really had nothing to do with him as a person.  All that aside there was just no chemistry, no butterflies, nothing special. And maybe I was not reading him correctly but I was really sure he was not feeling it either. Reason I say I might be wrong is he’s contacted me more than once since then. Anyway, finally around 9 we packed it up and I came home finally and had a realization. It is maybe too early, maybe some compartments of my heart are still occupied but I think what is more at work here is I realized I not only really like being single, but I’m damn good at being single and always have been – I’ve spent far more of my life single than not single.  I’m a better daughter, sister, friend, employee and coworker.  I handle crises (death, ill mothers and the like) far better. I like doing what I do when I do it and not being accountable to anyone but me. I love that I have the most incredible friends in the world who are amazing to talk to and hang with (not boring and painful and requiring small talk).  I have a very full life with work, the puppies and kitties, my friends, family and hobbies. When I started to further ponder this I realized that it’s my friends who make being single so much fun and so fulfilling for me. Whether they are down the street, down the hall at work, on the other side of town, in northern Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio, California or New York or wherever they might be there are all only a phone call email or drive (or maybe plane flight) away. My life is full and complete. I’m absolutely open to love again, but putting myself through the dating wringer again to find it? Not going to happen. I’d much rather get in the car and go see Jen or Dana or Christi, or walk down the street to Mel and Vanessa’s or Matt and Kristin’s or drink wine with Brigitte and Brian, or go to a dessert party at Scott and Jay’s or go see Steve or Ryan play someplace or <insert activity/people I love here>. The list of things to do (and people to see) that I love is long, and I’m going to be actively pursing that. Not going on bad date after bad date in search of something that I probably would not find anyway.  I’ve always maintained that being single is easier. Maybe not as rewarding, but definitely easier.